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How to Run an Activist Campaign for the Clueless

October 19, 2009

How to Run an Activist Campaign for the Clueless

Imagine you’re an angry person with deep seated insecurities (yes I know it is hard to imagine). Now the only place where your wild conspiracy theories and wilder venomous rhetoric are respected is with a group of others who think the same and act the same. They find more angry and deluded people the presto you have an activist organization. Stick it the man and all. Of course the one problem with any organization that is founded on mutual hatred of common enemies is that it can often be referred to as a ‘hate group’. They adopt a bunch of noble causes and high sounding ideals so that they do not scare off the ‘Normals’ (ie: people who are not filled with the same hate as they are).

Now once the little activists pompously tells the whole world that they actually trying to save it from itself they work out that few people care to listen. If you want to lose friends just start telling about your latest conspiracy theory that goes all the way back to Moses. The instant reaction is that this person has been microwaving their own brain in private. People are generally too polite to say, ‘You are starting freak me out like a drunk who has the DT’s.’ So they smile politely, walk away and later they tell their friends, ‘Did hear what this freaky person said today?’ Then they have a good laugh about it. Notice how the deluded person never gets to know that they are utterly deluded. However they remain the centre of entertainment for all. I call this a win / win situation.

When the little activist work out that no gives a crap, they decide that they must force the message down the throats of the ‘Normals’ to save them from themselves. However most do not know where to start and that is where I come in. I am going to offer some help and pointers so that the deluded hate monger activists can continue upon their mission in life: Which is to provide entertainment for the rest of us.

Rule One: Never try to be elected on what you actually represent.

I cannot stress this enough. Most voters are what you would class as ‘Normals’ and think conspiracy theories are DT’s for those that cannot control their inner hates. So always try to sell it with a cry for extra rights for some unheard of minority. Link your cause to some noble sounding phrases like ‘Freedom of Preach’. Have you heard about Gay Penguins? Chances are no one else has and so you can cry about how valuable they are until someone knows better.

Rule Two: Elected Normals are pure Eeeevil

Your bid for election failed. That is a shame. ‘Normals’ just don’t appreciate your desire to sterilize the majority of them and send them back to the Stone Age so that they can hug a few trees. So when you lost your election bid it should be treated as null and void. Treat any form of democratic or legal process with contempt, unless it favors you. Then it is the cornerstone of your policy platform. This way you demand that people respect your ‘Freedom to Preach’ but sneer at their freedoms with contempt. That is right, your freedom is important but the ‘Normals’ don’t deserve it.

Rule Three: Look for an Unregulated Forum and Hijack it

This may seem complicated but it is not. You have an audience of 100%. Am I going too fast for you? Just let me know if this is too hard. You have an audience of 100%, of which about 40% will support you automatically, another 40% will reject you automatically. So that only leaves 20% who need to be swayed. Of that 20% only half plus one needs to agree with you and you can claim success. The majority support you so now you can resort to the childhood taunt of ‘Majority Rules and we want the rest of you ‘Normals’ to leave.’ I will cover how to hijack a forum next.

Rule Four: Tips on Hijacking an Unregulated Forum

You need to polarize the crowd along emotional lines. The best way to do this is to start pumping out controversial issues and demanding that people state their opinions. This becomes the basis of your hit list of known enemies of your cause. The more controversial the issue the more you hammer it and the more you condemn those that do not agree. Hence you are masking your meanness under a cloak of self-righteousness. All your evidence to support your stance can be gleaned from conspiracy theories, misquotes and false inductive logic.

Next : You have to act upon your hit list in personal way. Personal insults and personal attacks must take precedence over arguing a case. Your case must be presumed correct in the way you argue. “How dare you condemn people to suffer by believing the opposite to my conspiracy theory?” Note the outrage, that helps to keep things emotional. Emotions are your friend. Thinking is not. So do everything you can to stop people thinking.

Rule Five: Try to Expel all Dissenting Voices

The best way to drive someone off is to aggressively attack them at every opportunity. Maintain the rage and keep it up for months. If anyone suspects that you are doing this then cry victim. Blubber your guts out like a professional mourner at a funeral. Accuse the target of picking on you, eventually you believe it yourself. This intentional Passive Aggressive behavior is your best tactic, so use it liberally. You are trying to win personal sympathy which you will use to sell sympathy for your cause. It may seem pathetic and childish but it does sometimes work. BTW you are on quest to Save the Planet.

If the personal attacks do not work then try a long smear campaign. That tends to help because people who do not know you will not automatically assume that you are a bold faced liar. Did I mention that you have to learn how to lie convincingly? Sorry about that, but it is okay to lie because you are now ‘Saving the Universe.’


This is based upon my observations of how a community radio station was subjected to a hijacking attempt by a bunch of political extremists with connection to terrorism. It was amusing to see how quickly they were stopped when people found out what was going on. Other programs were not so successful.

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