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Pseudo Intellectualism for beginners and Learning to Fake it with the Best.

November 1, 2009

Pseudo Intellectualism for beginners and Learning to Fake it with the Best.

 

How many books have you read?

Disappointed with yourself I bet.

Let me ask another question. How many books of real substance and knowledge have your read? Do you have any formal training in a professional discipline? Do have any area of knowledge where you could be seen as an expert or the expert source? Have you been shown how to approach problems that have no instructions to solve?

Or:

Is all your knowledge based upon a few hundred trashy novels, one or two controversial books and searches of google or wiki?

 

If the later is true then no matter how you try to fool yourself you are not an intellectual.

Oh, but you can complain that you did a 3 day course in modern philosophy and read the Karma Sutra. You may even have a picture of Yung on your wall but it is not good enough. You have to have barely scraped the surface of intellectualism.

 

However I am not here to condemn anyone. Rather I am here to help you attain the status of an Intellectual without doing any of that annoying hard study and thinking stuff. If you simply do not have time to be an intellectual why be the next best thing: a Pseudo Intellectual.

 

‘How awful!’ you may balk. Well my response is: ‘How come you are reading this if you have such high principles? Also, why would an intellectual need to learn how to be a pseudo version of itself? Duh.’ So let’s put the false moralizing aside get down to it.

 

Persona is everything

This goes beyond the mantra that ‘image is everything’ because it looks to be much deeper. Your persona is the kind of person (past present and future) that you want people to believe that you are. You want people to believe that you are some kind of all knowing, all wise sage but at the same time you do not want to be known as a complete tool. Over playing your persona will do nothing except make you look like a wanker. So create a past that is filled with personal hardships, (family conflict are good because everyone has one), a few triumphs and a constant struggle for ‘freedom of expression‘. Remember to be vague as detail will leave you open to contradiction and you will be caught out.

Image is everything else

Now take a look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Now image yourself waving a half smoked cigarette as you ramble on about inequalities of the world. What about a pair of reading glasses? The rule for glasses these days seems to be thick frames with small square lenses: The power glasses. Put those on and instantly you look 50 percent smarter. Clothes must be black or dark and definitely of questionable sexual preference. Your car, if you have one, must have at least 2 bumper stickers protesting about something. ‘Save the Whale’ is so last year, so get a new one. Get something with a pun about a contemporary issue and one about Jeff Kennet (they will always be in fashion). Your home must be a rented share house, a warehouse loft or a single room flat. You are not to admit that you still live with your mother. You must also be single or thinking of becoming single or entering a new relationship where your partner just does not match your expectations.

 

Knowledge is Nothing

Do not get confused about this heading; knowledge is what you imagine it to be. Yet the importance of anything can be reduced in your mind if you want it to be so. You must be able to ignore important evidence if it makes what you say look bad. It does not exist if you don’t pay attention to it. It ceases to exist if the information is lost or forgotten about, so hone your diversionary tactics. Fill the air with so many words that they cannot be understood, you must be able to frustrate any opponent to the point that they can no longer be bothered with you. Then you can tell everyone else about your great victory over this person.

 

Pick Your Fights

Never let the battle come to you until you have some degree of certainty that you can have an audience that agrees with everything that you say. This sounds hard but it is quite simple: just stick to what is Politically Correct for this week. Politically correct means that you can have a free kick at a bunch of social groups and you will always have a cheer squad to back you up. Because it is PC you can fall back into the defence that it is the only way.

 

Quotations must drop names more than information.

Well, if my hairdresser tells me that economy is stuffed I may not believe him but if Aristotle is quoted then we will all believe it. In the world of butt kiss quoting any famous person trumps all evidence. Smarter people than you may have said it so that is good enough for everyone. It does not matter that you are quoting out of context and that Plato said some pretty stupid things, all that matters is that you get the quotation marks correct. Misquoting is as effective as appropriate quoting to an ignorant audience wanting to have their prejudices massaged and validated.

 

Conclusion:

As you can see the road true intellectualism is long, hard and lacks any glory but the road to pseudo intellectualism is easy quick and feeds you ego. For those that are out there staved for attention this will always be their first choice. You do not have to be smart to have a few people think that you are smart. Those that see through your act are just not worth worrying about are they?

 

 

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. November 1, 2009 3:31 pm

    I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

    Like

    • November 1, 2009 8:29 pm

      Stacey

      Thanks for your comments.
      I am not sure how technorati works but it seems to connect people fine.

      Like

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