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Actually we need More Internet Door Bitches

November 2, 2009

Actually we need More Internet Door Bitches

 

I have finally come to the conclusion that what the Internet really needs is more Door Bitches. This free exchange of ideas thing just isn’t working as well as we could have hoped. In fact we have a major problem with people not coming to the ideological conclusions that they should. If we wanted people to think for themselves we would not have spent the last three hours writing a blog post telling what to think. People are making the fatal mistake of thinking that ideas are there to be considered. That is pure apathetic eeeevviiil because wrong ideas are only there to be held up for ridicule. Hence what we require is some gatekeepers who know what is politically correct and ideologically correct. Those people will dedicate their lives to ridiculing people who do not absolutely agree with everything that we say.

 

How would it work?

How would we ensure that people only draw the conclusion that we want them to draw? Not that we are trying be like Big Brother, but we do want to stop anyone from presenting anything other than what is politically correct. The solution to this problem is the Internet Door Bitch. Like the Door Bitches at night clubs their job is to keep the wrong people out. Like Door Bitches at nightclubs their judgement will be final in the same way that Judge Dread was final. They will have a list of politically correct mottos and statements to be applied. Anything that does not comply with this list must be kept out of the public domain. We do not want young impressionable people reading something even resembles a different point of view, do we? The first task of the Internet Door Bitch (regardless of which of the 5 genders that they belong to) is to bitch and moan about the person who spreads such decent. Rebels are only good if they are on our side, otherwise they are oppressive fanatics.

 

Humour consists of approved satire and sarcasm only. Any humour that does not support the politically correct ideal is not allowed to be funny. If you are smiling at this moment then you are dangerously thinking politically incorrect funny thoughts. There is a list of expression that you are allowed to laugh at; so there will be no laughing randomly or in any way that damages our glorious ideologies. It is not funny when someone points out the logical inconsistencies in our proposals and tags impeccably timed a joke at the end of it.

 

So just try to remember that the Internet is meant to be the free exchange of politically correct ideas only.

 

Long Live the Internet Door Bitches and the valuable service that they provide.

Mental Hygiene all the way.

Think as you are told to think or we will call the Internet Bouncers.

 

Editorial Comment:

This post is not funny in any way shape or form and should not have been written.

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