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I have finally hit upon the formula of how to upset people.

November 2, 2009

I have finally hit upon the formula of how to upset people.


When looking back upon what I have written I am often struck by the randomness of whether people appreciate them or not. I do remember my early days of posting away in a small but somewhat determined group. Yes, there were the inevitable clashes of opinion but overall the intellectual decorum was very clear and well mannered. A few years later and I can see that the definition of decorum has so many new meanings.


Writing, as I often do, has not been for the sake of money or to enter into the pointless exercise of pushing some kind of agenda. It takes between 10 to 30 minutes to write a post (with next to no editing). These are as pretty close to random unrestrained thoughts as I can get. Had I wanted to write more seriously then why bother putting into the disposable environment of a Blogsphere? So I just write what I want, when I want, and let the chips fall where they may.


Some posts have occasionally surprised me with the responses and others that I written expecting a huge backlash have surprised me with how little attention they receive. Yet even if I have doubts over what flack I will cop I publish regardless. I do use a few personal filters in my writing: eg: steering clear of bigotry and trying to be reasonably accurate in reporting. Where ever I may have made a mistake in reporting I am happy to correct (along with typos for those that are fascinated by such things.) I may have no concept of how to please a mob but I am developing a sense about what I can write to unintentionally upset people.


In the beginning it was baffling to me as to why some random reader took the trouble to read every word of what I have written and then get upset. They see the title, read paragraph 1 and get agitated, para 2 and they are fuming, by para 3 they are livid and when my throwaway lines for the conclusion comes, that tips them over the edge. So as far I can work out the process of reading something objectionable in order to complain it is a rite of passage for some.


Others I figure must have been upset before they got out of bed. They must have piles or constipation or something to be in such a constant state animosity. So when they get the excuse to vent their spleen, vent it they will. Lots of emotion, lots of adjectives, CAPITAL letters, bold and the repetition of a long line of grievances that has everything to do with their personal war and nothing to do with what I wrote. Having said their piece they dust off their hands with satisfaction and can enjoy the rest of the day.


One day I woke up and suddenly I was an archetype. (That was random and I don’t even own a Darth Vadar mask),but simple minds do need simplified enemies to fight and there is nothing more satisfying than taking on an archetype. ‘Oh, you are just like all (Insert stereotypical enemy here) because you are (insert stereotypical bad characterises here)’. I would actually like to personally thank such people for adding me to their hate lists. I also apologise for not losing any sleep over that revelation.


Random spoilers are common. They lead with various versions the great rhetorical question: ‘What is the difference between your opinions and a bucket of crap. Answer: The bucket.’ I certainly can’t argue with that logic. Once the person has decided that everything I say is crap then what further can I say? I beg to differ? No point talking if no one is listening. Duh.


Defenders of the downtrodden that look ominously like a trodder of the down trodden. If everything is about the protection of liberty why are there so many people who are doing their level best the stifle it? Yes, I am terribly impressed with the ability of people to insert sarcasm into a sentence. Terribly, terribly impressed. (Note the hint of sarcasm about sarcasm). In fact I am yet to see anyone’s plan to save the world that does not include their plan to rule it.


Mantras are a curious line of argument very similar to nagging. The difference is the mantra has less substance than shouting about mowing the lawn. I am certain that a nice rhyming motto is exactly what destroyed the Roman Empire.


Not understanding seems to be something that I did not understand until it was pointed out to me. ‘Don’t you realise that…‘ and ‘What you really need to understand is that…‘ and ‘If only you had the benefit of my experience you would…‘ Sorry I dozed off.


Hidden meaning which I have been slipping into everything that I write is starting to get through to the targets of my mind powers. My subliminal messages, that few can see, are brainwashing the unsuspecting and weak minded readers who know nothing about the ‘Dog Whistling’. Only a superintelligent elite have been able to pick it up and expose my eeevil plan. Perhaps I should modify what I write because of their sensitivities? Narrrr. I can’t be bothered. If a small collection of nutters share their manic paranoia over my words who am I to complain. People either talk to you or they talk about you.


Finally the best way to unintentionally upset people is to write about a current event in a reasonable and balanced manner. Carefully check the evidence and lay it out objectively and clearly. That more than anything has created furores that have lasted days with accusations that I was everything from: a terrorist supporter to a neocon. The terrorist supporter was lame but the neocon cracked me up no end.


Anyway, I would like to thank all those people who have given me so much entertainment as they freak out in so many unique ways. They have added to the journey of the last two years and brightened up days where a good laugh is required. If ever I need cheering up I just reread some of the most vitriolic and mentally unstable responses for a good belly laugh. I look forward to upsetting the same people in the future as it seems to be my calling in life.

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