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My 1000 word Rant

November 30, 2009

My 1000 word Rant

 

It is a wonderful, is it not?

I am sure that people appreciate wonderful days but I do not. Days should not be ‘wonderful’ they should be sunny, cloudy or rainy but never wonderful. So keep your ‘wonderful days’ to yourself. I am incensed and bitter about the word ‘wonderful.’ Actually I am more bitter than incensed. I do not even like incense. Smell the whole place up and all.

 

You know I also angry about people who are angry. That may seem a tad hypocritical of me but damn it all I am also angry about people interfering with my right to hypocritical. I find that the height of hypocrisy is to deny people the right to hypocrisy.

Kevin. Kevin! KEVIN07!!! Bhaa Humbug. Give another recession I need the money.

 

Hey Messiah Obama you suck. Now come and get me. Maybe you can send Bush Administration torturers that you just gave amnesty to. I am soooo scared. Seriously I am.

 

How is my word count so far?

 

I wuv you Dawkins. I weely weely Wuv you. I just want to cry.

 

Dear Damo:

You smell and you have no friends and that proves my point.

Signed Snickering Fule

 

Dear Mr Fule,

Now that just hurts

Signed Damo

 

Dear damo buddy chum pal guy,

U c^nt write eether. I think you needs lessens frum mee n howto doit.

 

Dear Fule’

Why thank you I will now sign up for lessons and a lobotomy to match you level of intelligence.

Love Damo

 

Dear Damo,

Your just mean.

 

Dear Fule,

You are

 

Dear Damo,

You are and no returns.

 

Dear Fule,

We you have one this round but the war will be mine. Bahahaha!

Love Damo

 

We are such ordinary creatures if you think about it. 279 words and still going.

 

Dear Damo,

Why doust thou torment me thus?

Signed Richard Dawkins

 

Dear Richard,

Wow is it really you? I never thought that I was so important as to be thorn in your side. I am terribly sorry for the posts I wrote about you and the whole not agreeing with you thing. The letter bomb was actually a joke that went bad. Sorry about your butler. And the damage to your fan mail. I know your treasure that.

 

Actually it not my fault that I am so bitter and twisted. I blame my parents. You see, when I was a kid may parents let me see Frankenstein. I was so frightened that to this day mad scientists scare me shitless. Can you ever find in your robotic heart to forgive me.

Damo

 

Dear Damo,

By the power of almighty science and reason I Richard Dawkins for….

(Please insert Coin to Continue Game)

 

Well that was fun.

458 words.

 

Dear Holden and Ford,

I am sending the same letter to both of you because are both as bad as each other. Why do your cars always look the same?

Love Damo

 

Dear Damo,

As the design engineers for both Holden and Ford we resent you insinuation that my designs two are like each other. Look at where the cup holders are, Look at the cup holders. I hope that clears up any confusion that you have.

 

Signed Bananas in Pajamas.

Ps: Are you thinking what I am thinking B1?

 

548 Words. Man this ranting stuff is hard. I need a rest. But no I must persist it what they Muppets would expect of me.

 

My offensive picture is much less offensive than your offensive picture.

No it isn’t.

Yes it is.

No it isn’t

Yes it is!

NO IT IS NOT! Just have a closer look and you will see that it offends a much narrower demographic.

Ah, but yours more graphic in its presentation.

No it isn’t

Yes it is

 

Hey John Howard. Has Bush invited you back to ranch since you lost the last election? He hasn’t? That’s a shame.

 

651 Words: Man it is hard ranting on like this. So many words and so little anger to fill them with. Must con..tin..ue….

 

Reading the News on Line for more reason to be angry.

Some guy in a dark suit killed another guy in a dark suit. I blame the Churches for this. It is a rather complicated conspiracy that goes all the way to the top. The Vatican assassins in league with the Protocols of Zionist and the CommieNazis have been working together with the aliens to bring about the death of this one crucial man. The fact that the dead was bonking the other guys wife has nothing to with it. That is the exception that proves the rule. The fact that man said, “I killed him because he was bonking my wife,” only show that he was brainwashed. The bonking is a red herring.

Instead we have this cover up that involves arms shipments and drug smuggling that goes back to King Solomon’s mines where we discover that King Solomon was actually a female. This terrible truth has been covered up for thousands if not millions of years in order to oppress women everywhere.

You may ask: How did she grow the beard? And wouldn’t one of his wife’s notice that he was missing something in the masculine department. The answer is no, because back then people did not talk about sex much and so they did not know. Also the beard was glued on.

 

899 Words: I am almost there. Very, very tired but we are past the point of no return. Maintaining a rant is hard. So who else can I tar whilst I aimlessly waving the tar brush about?

 

You are losing your temper.

No you are your temper

No I am not.

No you are and no returns.

No. You are and no returns infinity plus one.

Oh go suck a dummy.

I said no returns.

So kill me with you mind powers.

Okay I will.

When?

I already have.

But I am not dead.

Yes you are.

No I’m not.

Yes you are and no returns.

 

All Done 1008 words.

It is bloody hard work ranting. I wonder why people do it.

No they don’t and no returns.

 

 

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