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Myapologetics Apologizes

December 5, 2009

Myapologetics Apologizes

We at Myapologestics have been sorry that that we have not done this more often. Apologies are something that we should do more often as it seems to be something that is expected of us. After listening to all the noise coming from the usual noisy sources we decided like a whipped and hen pecked people that we are meant to be we will submit to the constant nagging and apologize even without knowing why. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Middle class socialism is still alive and well so we must try to live up to their lofty ideals even and guilt complexes.

It may seem hard for a blogger to apologize for being born but I think that is one thing that I expected to do. So first up I would like to apologize for being born. I have been to rebirthing session and discovered very quickly that they cannot in fact rebirth anyone let alone debirth someone. Even unbirthing seems a bit too difficult. So I definitely apologize for being unable disappear.

We would like to apologize for not consulting everyone before writing our posts. That has been a terrible oversight on my part. I should be taking surveys, contact the thousands of bloggers, sending out drafts as discussions papers then responding to the elites who always know better. I am certain that with the approval of a committee process on every word that I write I will be a better writer and the readership will just skyrocket.

I apologize for not caring about whether my readership skyrockets. I must have a mental problem where climbing to the top of a slag heap by any and means does not attract me. I know that if I try to be more politically correct and offensive I will skyrocket and reach those dizzy heights that I should want to reach. I just can’t work out why I am not attracted to such writing styles when they are so easy to do. So definitely I am sorry that I do not give a crap about some artificial rating system.

I apologize for not being politically correct and a socialist. I bought the little red beret and badge with Che on it but the Socialist Alliance won’t let me into their meeting. It is my fault entirely; I kept forgetting who they were supporting this month. The list of enemies was easier, that was anyone but them. (What is a Trot anyway and why do they get so offended by that term?) However I did promise to buy a dreadlock wig and not bath for a few months. They had a vacancy for a person to throw themselves on the ground and scream but they said I was not convincing enough for their YouTube videos.

I apologize for not agreeing with everyone who thinks I am wrong. I have been staying up all night trying hard to sort this one out. How do I please everyone? Now let me see. That would make the cult members, the socialists, the rednecks etc etc… I am not sure which way to turn. If I please one then the other one gets upset. So I need to see if I can say absolutely nothing that will upset any of them.

I apologize for not being a doormat for everyone who needs one. I know that life is hard and sometimes people just want to vent their frustration and bile at someone. Who do I think I am by telling them to stick their projectile hate and vitriol up their jumper? These people came expecting to bark once and have me shivering like a beaten dog. So I am sorry that you were disappointed.

I am sorry that I do not snap at every piece of bait. I know you went to a lot of trouble putting all those words together and finding just the right tone of sarcasm. I know that you had your hope that I would rock up trip over and fall into your gang bang. However I do have a good excuse. I am rather busy these days and just haven’t got hours and hours of time to read long lists of what you think is wrong with me. It is my fault entirely. I made the selfish choice to have a life, family and to be gainfully employed. However that is not your fault, I should be wasting my time hanging around as you tell me exactly what you think of my type.

I am sorry that I failed to recognize you as a great intellectual mind that will one day be a great published thinker of political theories. It must be my terrible choice of being born a man that has damaged ability to see that. I am sorry that I mistook your wonderful prose as lame piles of crap. It won’t happen again. I know that always you push F7 on Word to check the spelling so that definitely makes you a professional. And the delightful way you point other people’s spelling mistakes in the same sentence that you make grammatical errors is pure genius.

I apologize for not showing true respect to the unsung guardians and protectors of the Blogging world. These heroes often go on for days in the face of the greatest adversity and are often misunderstood. I am talking about the cyber stalker. A hero to us all. They really do deserve more than being considered dangerous nut jobs, potential rapists, jailbait and general scumbags. I am certain after you get to know them over the next few months of continuous attention they would win you over. Peeping though windows and looking personal details on people is how they show their love. No they are not dangerous, pathetic or creepy and you will learn to love them or else.

Finally I would like to apologize for not doing this sooner. I have been frightfully busy lately and despite that I am so concerned about what every single verbose critic might have to say. I mean wow, how can I not be impressed with brilliant research that links back to conspiracy sites, hate sites and snobby little socialist fronts. I am so impressed with the way people defend themselves with repetition and mantras. I wish I had a few mantras to rattle off at the crucial time. ‘A stitch in time’ just does not seem to cut it anymore.

Now to hit F7.

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