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Another of my efforts to offend people as much as I can.

January 6, 2010

Another of my efforts to offend people as much as I can.

 

It has come to my attention that not enough of you are being offended by what I write. I am actually jealous of another writer whose post was hit with a mature rating. How did this happen? I can understand if the he had images of sex toys or interspecies animals procreating but I guess frivolous words are more offensive than anything at all. The world is now safe from radical people trying to write posts to highlight the silliness of people take themselves too serious. We cannot have that, can we?

 

Anyway I am looking back on all I have written and suddenly I realise that I have only had one post deemed offensive enough to be slapped with a ‘Mature Warning’. I want more.

 

Who can I offend today?

 

We need to make plastic miniature Obama’s to sit on the dashboards of our cars as we drive along the freeways on election day. These Obama statues will sit where the plastic Jesus statue used to sit. Before people drive off they will say a small prayer to Obama for the audacity to hope.

 

The Palin clothes will be given to charity after the election. So it will be a good week for all you struggling writers to visit the OP Shop. $5000 designer suits will be going out for a song. Look for well dressed paint sniffers after the election. Sorry I meant struggling writers.

 

McCain wants to be president because of his war record. In his last war he proved his skills by getting caught by the enemy.

 

Who is Messiah Obama’s running mate again? Some guy. Eh? Can he walk on water too? All you need is audacious hope.

 

Cup Day verses US Election Day. Here we get drunk, hang out at Flemington and hope like hell we wake up the next day in bed with a super model. In the US they have an election and no one votes.

 

Where did Chairman Rudd go to after the election? Kevin 747.

 

The Apple I-pod range has now added a new device called the I-Rack. It is very unstable and no one wants it.

 

Dr Phil shut the hell up. Every person who goes on your show is less neurotic than you and they have more hair. Oh what a surprise you have written another bloody book of crack pots that you never cured. ‘Dr Phil’s The Audacity of Nope’

 

Hands up anyone who gives the slightest crap about Dr Who’s love life? I don’t see any hands. What does that tell you BBC? Less sugar more Dalek blood splatter.

 

Scientists have finally found the gene that controls feral behaviour. It is hoped that by better understanding how ferals cannot help being feral we will one day as a society learn to accept their stinkiness. Further genetic studies are being made to see if Volvo drivers need the same kind of acceptance.

 

Another person who read Orwell’s 1984 in high school? I am so frightened of what will happen in 1984.

 

I want to be an ethicist. “Sleep with me baby because you know it is the only ethical thing to do.” I would be so tempted to abuse the power.

 

I am an orphan. That means I have just won the comparative sympathetic stereotype. So I win all arguments for who I am. Pathetic wins every time.

 

After the financial meltdown India will buy all of America. Then they will outsource their call centres to Americans who have to learn Indian accents.

 

What the frig does lOl mean? Answer: It means I do not actually find what you wrote as funny. In fact I am actually peeved that you wrote it. By putting lOl it makes me looking like a superior twerp who laughs at nothing. All this time I still think it means one ‘o’ one. I am still trying to work that out.

 

I have another login as person who hates my guts. We always fight on line. Hehehe…

 

Another Born Again Agnostic Theologian. ZZZZZZZZZZZ….

 

Another blogger stands up for human rights by blogging about it instead of doing some about it. ZZZZZZZZ.

 

Liberty means the freedom to deny liberty to all those that theoretically threaten my liberty. So by crushing that person I am actually doing a good thing because it is all about protecting liberty.

 

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. samaritan24 permalink
    January 21, 2010 5:44 pm

    And now that I have created a username, I just want to tell you that, as someone who cares a great deal about Dr Who’s love life, I was very offended by this post. More Rose Tyler and less Daleks, I say.

    Liz

    Like

    • January 21, 2010 8:56 pm

      Liz

      Thanks for your comments.

      I do believe that the hardedned fans of Dr Who may disagree with your offence. Many of them will never find love and like it that way.

      Like

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