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Book Burning: The Case in Favour.

March 27, 2010

Book Burning: The Case in Favour.




One of my favorite scenes from a virtually unheard of film called the ‘Billion Dollar Brain’ was the book burning BBQ. The loudmouthed Texan preaches on about the glorious war to liberate the world as everyone dances about in their cowboy and cowgirl suits burning books. Pure Michael Cain sarcasm mixed with British satire left me in stitches. Why don’t they make films with that sort of edge to them anymore?


That was several years ago but I have matured and can look at things from the book burners view point. Instead of condemning the book burner, he should be rewarded. What the world needs now is more book burnings. Why, because they look like so much fun.


In high school and beyond we are often forced to read books that noone but 2 university professors and someone in Sweden like. Yet they are on the board of education and we the plebs must appreciate what they make us appreciate. If we don’t, we are just a bunch ingrates who will fail the subject and ultimately as a human being.


Burn it I say. Burn that book just to spite them all.


The quickest way to start a raging inferno is to rub two Authors together. Hence there are so many books that are written to counter the arguments of other books. A book described as controversial is nullified by another controversial book. It seem a tad wasteful in my mind, so I say burn both books to save time arguing about it.


Now I know what you are thinking, ‘Burning books is wrong and can do no good,’ but I say you haven’t considered the good that can be done by a good book burning. Book are full of energy, potential and intellectual; the greatest combination of energy possible. By burning books we release that energy to be used for more vital services like running power stations. Think about all the books that you were forced to read and hated from ‘John and Betty’ to ‘All the Green Year’, you could reduce your carbon footprint by one million tones. What about all the reference books in the libraries that no one ever reads? That alone could power a city the size of Melbourne for years. You can cry about the intellectual loss but I have never seen anyone sit down and read some of this crap by a little know 19th centaury existentialist for pleasure. Mostly they are only looking for bonus points on an essay that only their professor can understand. Whoof, it goes into flames and we will all be warmer in the knowledge that the book is finally being useful.


So where do we start?


Whose books do we burn first and whose don’t we burn?


This is not a simple answer as we have to consider the efficiency of the book to burn ratio, along with the consistent burn rate. The ‘Burn Status’ of a book or what called the BS factor. Books with the greatest amounts of BS obviously burn faster. So we need to target them immediately but the must also be tempered with significant amount of dull books that can hardly hold a flame. This will produce a constant burn rate and means that we can have consistent reliable energy.


For example: Dianetics has one of the highest BS factors know to mankind so it would have to be diluted with copious amounts of Hillary Clinton biographies. Dan Brown also has a very high BS factor that could replace several nuclear power plants but there is always a chance that he next book contains so much BS that we have a melt down. We could make special power plant for his books called Da Vinci Caldrons to handle the BS but they are only theoretical as nothing can handle too much BS.


Books on the list for burning should include any biography of a celebrity, politician or millionaire; The entire Dr Phil collection of books; Mills and Boone Books; Von Daniken (the man and the books); 7 Habit’s (BS by seven); Any Corporate motivational books and posters; That book of advice from a father to son going to college; Any book telling us how to be richer, happier, wiser or enlightened; Books that are written by one academic to another… The list goes on and on.


Authors should nothing to fear from a good book burning as they will be in far greater demand than ever before. We will need newer books filled with BS that can keep our power stations running into the future. So start writing the world needs more BS.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. samaritan24 permalink
    March 27, 2010 11:37 am

    Hi Damo,

    Sounds like a plan. I have a couple of Dan Brown novels, a book that talks about The Da Vinci Code, The 7 Habits of Highly Effectual People and even a Dr Phil book. If I add to that all the many books I have bought over the years, thinking I will read them one day – but never do – I figure I can produce enough power to keep me going for quite some time.



    • March 27, 2010 1:18 pm


      Thanks for your comments.

      My recollections of reading & Habits was how it should be renamed ‘7 Bleeding Obvious things everyone already knows,’ or ‘7 punishments for people who want to be a corporate Zombie’. Burnt it.

      Dr Phil write books by the kilogram. I am sure of that.


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