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Are Conspiracy Theories Good for Society? I Now say Yes.

April 15, 2010

Are Conspiracy Theories Good for Society? I Now say Yes.

I was probably born without a paranoid gene. Or so it seems. I do not lay awake at night wondering who is doing what to whom and how it all fits together and suddenly makes sense. Maybe my Bull Dust detector was over developed where I assume that if someone interjects into a conversation, “It is what they want you to think,” I instantly roll my eyes. I have heard it all before. The names change but theme is the same. Someone or some secret oligarchy has been running about wrecking people lives just for kicks. The Illuminati, the Vatican Assassins, The Men in Black and UFO’s have been out to get us all and turn us into mindless slaves for their own unknown reasons. “We are all just pawns to them, pawns,” such people will emphasize but often they will mistakenly say ‘Prawns’. My moral outrage at being treated like a prawn is somehow controlled. Actually my fear of being probed by some Freudian happy alien is much more acute.

So why would I begin to think that these fantastic tales that test ones imagination and lower the IQ are very important. My epiphany came after listening to some person recommended a particular website that would open our eyes. “The world,” according to this person, “Is being forced toward a one world government if not then it will get down to only three corporations that control everything. They have a 100 year plan to bring this about, which they decided upon 50 years ago, so in just 50 years we are all going to be the dreaded ‘prawns’ that we fear to be.” Of course I am paraphrasing a lot because for some odd reason when someone reveals their conspiracy theory they do so over and over again as if I did not hear them the first time. So I get the whole story laid out for me like some badly written episode of the X-Files. Only the action of the person telling the story includes tapping their forehead with their index finger, waving of hands, assuming nods and animated facial expressions of disgust about what is supposedly happening. I am impressed with their ability to recall and remember so many details and names. Normally they have trouble remembering their own home address but here they can tell you in exacting detail the combination to a safe where the key to Area 57 keeps the dead aliens. I am also impressed with the way that they can find two items that completely unrelated and somehow show that they are part of the big plan. “Think about it,” they say for the tenth time.

So what is going that has me so happy that such people exist? For one, no matter how crazy I behave in public I can rest assured that I can point to someone who is crazier. Another interesting result is that people who would never touch a computer have now become experts at looking stuff and using search engines. They become tech savvy in just a short period time through the shear desperation of needing some evidence to fling at someone. People who normally cannot string two words together are suddenly able to articulate why immunizations are actually mind control implants and make it sound convincing. With such talent we should he hiring these people as sales staff and minority party politicians. Isn’t it funny how minority parties can often sound like conspiracy nuts.

Anyway I have changed my mind. I now think that society runs on paranoia. Most people are generally kind and gentle creatures that are wondering who is digging the ground from under them. Why did Bush go to war? Why did the twin towers fall? Why is there a sunset? How come nerd personas do not attract hot babes? Rather than trouble the mind with difficult to understand concepts the conspiracy theory provides the instant answer. Suddenly the absolute randomness of the universe has become ordered because we have ‘The Man’ to blame. We find a scapegoat to cover our own human failings and then our brain feeds us more endorphins. “Aaahhh… we know why.” And the best thing is it is not our fault. “Two Hooked Nosed Jews in the basement of the Vatican did it all. I read it in the Michael Angelo Code part 3 or was it The Protocols of Zion? ”

In world where no one needs to take responsibility, because they have someone to blame, conspiracy theories provide a valuable service. They help maintain high self esteem. And in a superficial world that is all we need.

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