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Taking Advice that you Never Asked for

November 20, 2015
Taking Advice that you Never Asked for

rant

Thanks


Lately I have been thinking about all the advice that I have received over the years and how much of it I have ignored. I did not mean to ignore it. It is just that there was so much advice that I could not keep up with it. I was busy. Doing stuff. Living a life and things. My world at that time did not have space to follow every piece of advice. But now I do and I would rectify my oversight with a little bit of humble pie eating. I will now go back and try to follow all the advice given to me over the years but some very well meaning and wonderful people. Here is my confession.


Advice #1 from a 15 year old.


You want to know the way to turn on a woman…?

At the time I suffered from the prejudice that since I was much older and had actually have a woman as my life partner that I might know a thing or two. I was also against consulting virgins for sex advice. An oversight? Certainly. If I met the same person again today (who, I am reliably informed, is still a pimply virgin) I would say, “please educate me oh Great One.

 

Advice #2 from some fellow on the street

You want to go for a ‘free’ coffee?

“No way!” was my reaction a few years back, “your free coffee only comes after I have been nagged by a zillion of your super nice friends about how I need to be born again.” Today I would say, “yes I will go for that ‘free’ coffee because guys on the street are sooo trustworthy.

 


Advice #3 from a group of people on the street with megaphone and selling books


You have to care about this shit or the establishment will get you.

 

Raising my eyebrows at that point was totally uncalled for. I should have purchased the books about Marxist lovemaking for beginners. (I wonder why all these people focus on sex?) As for the Man/US Industrial Complex/ Capitalist, I will spit on them too.

 

Advice #4

Timeshare?

My reply should have been, “Yes sir, I want two!”

 

Advice #5 from 1987.

It is irresponsible for couples to bring children into this terrible world

Too late I have 5 kids now. Maybe I should kill them for you.

 

Advice #6 after kid number 3

Have you thought about getting the snip?

I am still not sure what they were talking about.

 

Advice #7 Blogging advice.

If only you would abandon everything that you hold near and dear then you would be intelligent.

In another words: think the way that we tell you to think. At the time I considered that agreeing with such people would make us both wrong. However even if that was true, then we would still have a consensus.

 

Trivia point #1 The magic middle road turned out to be not very magical.

 

Advice #8 What you eat

Meat is murder
Fish is manslaughter
Vegetarian is assault
So eat nothing
Mother Earth will thank you. So take this bong a suck hard.

Advice #9

Sign this online protest

At first, I was reluctant because when I chased it up I found that it went to some crackpots from the other side of the world. Now I encourage the crackpots because they need all the friends that they can get in their little alternative reality.

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